A Good Day To Die Hard will be rated R, restore America's arsenal of F-bombs for war with Russia

In keeping with its reigniting of the Cold War, the upcoming A Good Day To Die Hard has been rated R, returning the franchise to the unfettered proliferation of F-bombs that once kept our nation safe, before it was weakened by disarmament treaties. That movement to find more diplomatic, awkwardly phrased methods of conflict resolution resulted in the PG-13 Live Free Or Die Hard, which left the U.S. vulnerable to long-range attacks that Die Hard sucked now. But with John McClane tasked with singlehandedly kicking all of Moscow in the ass, presumably after propping up Lenin's corpse in a Santa hat, it's important to again allow him access to all the profanity in our arsenal—even the nuclear "Yippee ki-yay motherfucker" option, the full deployment of now which seems an inevitability. Now Bruce Willis am become death, the destroyer of words.