For better or worse, first A Minecraft Movie teaser is here

A Minecraft Movie just dropped its first teaser today, but it might have been better if it had stayed in sandbox mode. You might want to steel yourself a bit before hitting play: visually, this lands somewhere between The Super Mario Bros. Movie and The Emoji Movie. Maybe it’s time to retire the “____ Movie” construction and actually put some effort into making quality movies for kids and families again. But that’s a future project; for now, there’s this:

The first question that will probably come to mind upon watching the above is “Why?” Followed by “Did they really blow their entire budget on The Beatles’ ‘Magical Mystery Tour’?” and “Why does Jason Momoa look like that?” After all of those queries roll through your brain—and give it some time, there will be a lot of them—you may be left with one final question, if you reach that point at all. (Well, after “Is this a Disney Channel Original Movie that time traveled from 2012?” of course.) What the hell is this thing actually about?

The trailer doesn’t make it remotely clear (apart from the fact that Jack Black is Steve, which it makes a little too clear), so here’s the film’s official synopsis instead:

Welcome to the world of Minecraft, where creativity doesn’t just help you craft, it’s essential to one’s survival! Four misfits—Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison (Jason Momoa), Henry (Sebastian Eugene Hansen), Natalie (Emma Myers) and Dawn (Danielle Brooks)—find themselves struggling with ordinary problems when they are suddenly pulled through a mysterious portal into the Overworld: a bizarre, cubic wonderland that thrives on imagination. To get back home, they’ll have to master this world (and protect it from evil things like Piglins and Zombies, too) while embarking on a magical quest with an unexpected, expert crafter, Steve (Black). Together, their adventure will challenge all five to be bold and to reconnect with the qualities that make each of them uniquely creative… the very skills they need to thrive back in the real world.

At one point in the trailer, Black tells his new charges, “Anything you can dream about here, you can make.” If that were actually true, Warner Bros. probably could have dreamed up something a little richer than this off-putting CGI nightmareland. Alas.

A Minecraft Movie also stars Jennifer Coolidge, who we (mercifully) don’t see in this particular clip. The film will premiere in theaters in 2025.