ABC forced to go through with Skating With The Stars, even though the best it could do was land Vince Neil

In order to provide “traditionalists” with the fiber-and-processed-cheese-backed entertainment they so desperately require during the long winter months, ABC has already rushed into production a spin-off of its popular Dancing With The Stars, Skating With The Stars, which takes the giggles of seeing celebrities you sort-of hate forced to dance like monkeys, and adds in the guffaws of possible injuries on ice. It is not at all like Fox’s own attempt to copy Dancing With The Stars, Skating With Celebrities, which is easily discerned by the fact that Skating With Celebrities at least landed Kristy Swanson, Deborah Gibson, and Dave Coulier, while over at Skating With The Stars, according to Deadline, “Real Housewives of New York star Bethenny Frankel is probably the biggest name on the roster.”

That’s probably a rude awakening to her fellow cast members, Mötley Crüe frontman Vince Neil (who may or may not be doing this as community service) and actress Sean Young, who is now identified as “Young and The Restless' Sean Young” in as pithy an illustration as possible of how fame is mercilessly fleeting. Also getting up on skates for your bemusement: All My Children’s Rebecca Budig, Olympic gold-winning skier Jonny Moseley, and Disney Channel actor Brandon Mychal Smith. When it comes to winter entertainment, we suppose it beats spending the twilight hours transfixed by a single dying leaf outside your window, contemplating a lifetime of mistakes. You know, let those guys on skates do that for you.