Actual Movie Trailers I Was Forced To Watch
Last night I went to go see Match Point. (To read a LOT more about this movie click here.) I guess the theater's marketing people were off that night, because I was subjected to some of the worst trailers I've ever seen, and none of them even remotely appealed to my demographic (25-year-old women who live in Brooklyn, have conflicting emotions about Woody Allen, and hate Sarah Jessica Parker).
Here's a quick run-down: Failure To Launch (Watch it, if you dare, here.)
I always thought that "Cruel To Be Kind" + an "I'll fall in love with him, but not for real" montage + Matthew McConaughey + an easy step by step breakdown =
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. Apparently, I was wrong. If you add Sarah Jessica "I'm way too old to be playing this role, but I was on Sex And The City!" Parker, to the equation, it equals this warmed-over romantic comedy.
The best part of this trailer is when Zooey Deschanel (who is way too interesting to be in this movie) says to Parker, "It's not that complicated. You like Tripp. Just tell him you like him." Exactly. Thank you. No need to make a whole movie about it. Dreamgirls (Cautiously check it out here.)
Is this even a movie? Why? Wasn't
Chicago enough? Honestly, when the sequin-y blue closeups started, and continued, and nothing ever materialized, I thought it was a Pepsi commercial. I figured the big finale was going to be a shot of a glimmering soda can. Instead, the names Danny Glover, Eddie Murphy, Beyonce Knowles, and (naturally) Jamie Foxx abruptly came flying out of the screen. Wow.
Still searching for answers, I found a Behind The Scenes featurette on the movie's website. It's maybe the most depressing thing I've ever seen: Eddie Murphy dressed up like Little Richard, Jamie Foxx dressed up like Jamie Foxx, and Beyonce saying, "I feel like it's really reality." It's even more depressing than anything on this webpage (and that includes the eerily silent video of Nicole Richie hiding in a cab). Nanny McPhee (Trailer can be found here.)
This is some kind of movie about British children, for British children. Emma Thompson has visible warts in it.
Ah, the wonders of modern cinema. Anyone else subjected to these––or, dare I suggest, even worse––trailers?