All Donald Trump wants to do is stop being president
After venturing to Houston to make a series of tasteless remarks about the size of the crowd that came out to see him and sniveling behind closed doors about how this whole hurricane thing represented an opportunity for him to better his predecessors, our beleaguered commander in chief went on the internet. He has a symbiotic relationship with it, funneling Twitter-egg support, high-key racist memes, and factual stories about his administration’s ongoing dysfunction into a sort of lifeblood that keeps him moving, along with his daily cocktail of diet pills and meatloaf and ice cream.
Today, though, he returned to the victimized, aggrieved tone that has become his signature tune since assuming the presidency, which is much harder than he had anticipated in that it is a “job” with “expectations” and he has never held one or met one, respectively, before.
For many former presidents, the “why” was a sort of tautological question, a call to serve that provided its own answer. Not Trump, though—he’s out here for one thing only, and that’s, apparently, positive press. And while the literal “why me” tone of the tweet may be a dead ringer for emo Trump, its musical analogs are many.
The odds remain remarkably high that Donald Trump will quit in a year or so, when Breitbart TV offers him a four-hour uninterrupted block of screen time. In the meantime, we look forward to the Auto-Tuned covers of him singing “All I Really Want To Do” by Bob Dylan, which is honestly a better fit than the Sheryl Crow song anyway.