Amazon launches video self-publishing, creating new frontiers in dinosaur erotica

Sometime last decade, Amazon introduced Kindle Direct Publishing, which allows aspiring authors to upload their work to Amazon directly, spending less time dealing with the dinosaurs in the publishing industry and more time writing stories about dinosaurs fucking people. Things have gotten even crazier since then, as the self-publishing platform has followed the natural arc of all human technology towards gay crocoduck porn. But Amazon, being the pervert that it is, isn’t satisfied. It wants video.

This news comes courtesy of The Guardian, which reports on a new, “YouTube-style” feature that allows users to upload “videos they have made or own the rights to” to Amazon’s Video Direct service. From there, users can decide if they want the video to be free to all, available for rent or purchase, or free through Amazon Prime, in which case they’ll be paid based on performance out of a designated $1 million fund. So yeah, you could use this platform to make your heartwarming independent film about Syrian refugees starting a lemonade stand with an interracial lesbian couple available to the general public. Or you could put together a quick Flash animation of Chuck E. Cheese having sex with the Hamburglar and actually make a little bit of money. The choice is yours.