Sporting a glorious 1980s metal-god mane and all the fringe Peacock could find, Amber Ruffin, alongside her similarly glammed-up and be-wigged sidekick Tarik Davis, solemnly and sonorously opened a segment on Friday’s Amber Ruffin Show by messing with Texas. Specifically, the Nebraska-raised host roasted her neighboring state’s decision to have elected noted bigot and COVID accomplice Governor Greg Abbott, targeting Abbott’s recent and depressingly predictable decision to flout medical advice and common sense and lift all restrictions intended to halt the spread of one of the deadliest pandemics in memory. At least Ruffin and Davis let Abbott and all such COVID dunces have it while keeping a song in their metal-loving hearts.
Taking the form of a throwback, kick-ass, no-brains heavy metal anthem, Ruffin and Davis’ “Texas Just Don’t Give A Fuck” mixed balls-out bravado with boneheaded boasting. Lyrically adopting the personae of the sort of Texan (the “don’t mess with” kind) who’s bought into his own Texas-forever hype, the pair tunefully lauded Abbott for bravely telling everybody to stop listening to those eggheads like Dr. Fauci (who was handing out life-saving COVID advice over on The Late Show Friday), and just shout “Freedom!” at the top of their lungs while scarfing down communal nachos at full-capacity eateries and “shaking people’s hands for the hell of it.”
Now some non-Texans (say, late-night hosts from stupid Nebraska) might take issue with the scientifically proven fact that no one or nothing has ever, ever messed with anyone from Texas because of their innate Texas-ness (plus freedom). Still, Ruffin and Davis continued to belt out their ironically skeptical anti-Texan musical propaganda. You know, like when Ruffin, building to a truly impressive hair metal frontwoman crescendo, sang defiantly, “Get this through/Your big dumb head/I’ma be free even if it means I’m gonna end up dead!” Still, she’s from Nebraska (and lives in New York City!), so what does Amber know? Again, nobody from Texas has ever flouted the rules, celebrated too soon, and become a cautionary tale just when long-awaited glory was mere inches from their grasp. Nope, nobody.