I hate a long drawn-out results show, although we're in the snappiest era of elimination episodes. Four contestants kicked off in one hour will seem like a mere moment in time compared to when we have the long hour just to eliminate one contestant.
While we definitely didn't need the extensive flashbacks to what we've seen over the last few nights, the flashbacks to the auditions or, least essentially, the painful "goodbye" songs, at least the eliminations themselves were by and large fairly painless. Garrett, for instance, never saw it coming. Ryan gave us the slightest bait and switch with Kristy Lee Cook and Amy Davis and did make Amanda and Joanne wait for the break, but usually the show is much cuter and more coy about it and there was actually a little bit of tension wondering who would get the axe between Chikezie and Colton.
I think America voted wisely tonight: Garrett and Amy's encores were torturous, so imagine having to listen to them for a few more weeks. I think Joanne could have maybe stuck around for a bit longer, either because of talent or the big-and-beautiful constituency I thought she was building up, but she definitely wasn't top twelve material. And Colton clearly didn't belong in the top twelve although in a way I was a little let down that he went so early because I really sensed a "love to hate" potential in him. Simon maybe we mean in advising Colton to take a full time job in order to enjoy singing on the side, but I think it was apt. Would you pay him to sing for you and make love to you with his baby blues from behind those bleach-blonde eyelashes?
Oh yes, there was some other music going on tonight too, I almost forgot. The twenty-four of the contestants singing together live in those ridiculous outfits was a hot-ass mess, to use a technical term. Even all together, they were barely audible, and the audience looked bored to tears.
And then there was Paula's music video for "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow." You know what, it was cheap and cheesy but not as awful as it could have been. Except for Randy rockin' out there on that bass, dawg. Coolness wise, there's not much of a difference between him and any other middle-aged guy who likes to rock out with the fellows on the weekend when the wives let them out of the house, so he needs to quit pretending like he has any sort of cred.
I'm hoping that next week the contestants who brought more disappointing performances this week will step it up and make the competition more exciting. I'm looking at you, Jason Yaeger—I don't know who was so smitten with your rendition of "Moon River" but consider yourself lucky.
Grade: C
Stray observations:
—I swear to god Paula advised Amy Davis to "paint that door and that knob and go for it."
—Both Joanne and Amy had cute moments in their flashbacks. Joanne's "What? Ah ha ha ha!" reaction in Hollywood when Simon told her he loved her performance was cute, as was Amy's dad, wearing a t-shirt with her face on it screaming "Oh my God!" after she got her golden ticket.
—I love it when Simon says "What'd he say?" whenever Ryan insults him, because it proves that he's not paying attention even on live TV.