American Idol lowers minimum age requirement

Recognizing that “a lot of young, talented people are now seeking careers and representation before they turn 16” and seeing no reason not to encourage that delusion among the nation’s already dangerously entitled youth, American Idol has officially lowered its minimum age requirement from 16 to 15. It’s the first of several forthcoming changes for the show in reaction to being dumped by Simon Cowell, a post-breakup makeover that will also see the addition of a new musical director and maybe a drastic new haircut, possibly with some really short bangs (like, really short). Lowering the age limit, according to producers, will allow them to “tap into this talent pool” of would-Biebers, and give the judges a weekly opportunity to criticize them for singing songs that are “too old-fashioned” for them, which would pretty much be every song written in the 20th century.

 
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