American Idol sends Randy Jackson to a nice farm upstate, where he can run and play with the other dawgs

Threatening to leave scores of singers uncertain as to whether they did or did not do their thing, Randy Jackson has been officially downgraded from "judge" to "mentor" on the next season of American Idol for failing to be more famous than Christina Aguilera et al. According to TMZ, the show remains fairly dead set on only having famous people tell other people who want to be famous why they probably can't be as famous as they are, with Mariah Carey still an $18 million lock despite the looming threat of Nicki Minaj—a decision that continues to provoke melismatic protests from Carey, but which producers believe will contribute plenty of the "conflict and tension" that is so important to helping viewers ignore contestants. It's likely they'll be joined by "someone from the country music world" who can talk to next season's inevitable Daughtry guy without barely masked contempt and, adding insult to injury for Jackson's whipped and abandoned dawg, the show is also looking to add a fourth judge. "Yo, that was kinda pitchy for me," Jackson said softly, once again cursing the fact that he doesn't have more words to express these feelings.