Finally, Americans get to let their voices be heard on Idol this week. If I could afford it I would vote David Cook, Garrett Healy, Jason Castro and Jason Yeager off, and possibly also Colton Berry, Danny Noriega and even Robbie Carico.
I am talking strictly about the hair, of course. God help us, the hair this season is out of control and we haven't even gotten to the ladies. The dreads, the streaks, the shags, the thinning 'rock' cuts, the crispy frosted shaggy messes. It was distracting.
But maybe a little distraction was a good thing as there were only a few real highlights from tonight's first round of performances. It boggles the mind to think that on their first shot out, with a theme as broad as "The Sixties," that guys like Yeager and Luke Menard thought it would be a good idea to turn in the snoozy performances as they did. We've heard now for six seasons perfectly functional covers of pleasant songs, but that's not enough anymore. Take David Hernandez—he kicked off the episode serviceably, but any contestant who has watched this show knows that it takes more to make an impact when you're in such a large pool of contestants. Thus Robbie's rocky take of "One" and Castro's folky contribution were good ideas, as they set themselves apart more from the competition.
It seems that the top twelve contestants will really offer some awesome talent but some weeding still needs to get done, and in the meantime, very little has changed from last season. Paula was by and large useless. Chikezie's suit and song were stinkers, and so Paula complimented his smile and weight loss. Jason Yaeger's version of "Moon River" was an insult to the word "cheesy", but it was cool because she performed to it in her first ballet recital. And Simon correctly didn't let her live down her discussion of the "colors" in Danny Noriega's voice (for the record, I don't think his "Jailhouse Rock" was nearly as bad as Simon said. It wasn't as good as he probably could have been but the kid can sing and I like that he seems genuinely bitchy-funny, and not just trying to be cute for TV.) Then their bickering over the topic then quickly became tiresome.
The little attitude problems have made themselves evident already. You can count Danny if you like, then there was also Chikezie, who had a lot of backtalk for Simon, and Garrett, who really does look like he hails from inner earth and would maybe look a little more normal if he listened to my favorite judge. I have it on good authority that in real life Colton is a real brat and it didn't seem that hard to believe from tonight's episode.
So tomorrow we move on to the girls, where we'll see some belting and plenty of false modesty and maybe a few tears as we see how much this opportunity means to everyone. But if I were to bet which guys get sent home on Thursday (yes folks, three nights this week!) it would be Jason Yeager and Luke Menard. Because saying you're not forgettable doesn't make it so, Luke.
Grade: B
Stray observations:
—David Archuleta is so cute I want a little chocolate figurine of him in my Easter basket this year. I just hope that somehow he holds onto his aw-shucks attitude and doesn't start letting us know he's aware of just how damn good he is.
—I hope Colton doesn't make it to the top twelve because if you give that kid a bigger stage, he's not going to just try to make love to the camera, that kid is going to rape it.
—I didn't think Michael Johns' "Light My Fire" was really so great, but he can sing and he's not hard on the eyes so he'll be in the top 12 for sure.
—I hope I'm not the only one who noticed how perfectly Jason Yeager's giant head looked like it was superimposed on Ryan's shoulder in the last minutes of the show.