Anchorman 2 is officially not happening, says Paramount from its poopmouth, with poop out of its mouth

Two years ago we reported that director Adam McKay was seriously pursuing a sequel to his career-defining Anchorman. But alas, that was a pre-Land Of The Lost era when $100 bills came imprinted with photos of a topless, smirking Will Ferrell; now, in the harsh light of present day, McKay reports via Twitter that Paramount has balked at doing Anchorman 2 even under a lower budget—and because Paramount owns the rights to the characters, there’s no taking it to another studio, meaning its prospects are officially dead. As the L.A. Times points out, making a sequel to a comedy is “almost impossible”—the upcoming Hangover 2 being an exception that proves the rule—because they only work with big hits, which “drive everyone’s price up” and make the film a huge financial risk. And now that Paramount is suddenly extra careful with its money, saving it for sure bets like making films based on whatever they can find in the aisles of Spencer Gifts, it’s just not going to happen. So as for McKay and Ferrell, they’ll just have to settle for doing more slight variations on Anchorman, which is fine too.