Anne Hathaway, intent on achieving final form, requests to be called “Annie”

One can sometimes simply tell when a person’s not going by the right name. You meet a grown man named Robert, take one look at his Captain America wallet, and know that deep down, in his heart, he’s really a Bobby; the flip side is also true, like when you meet someone named “Rand” and go, “wow, yes, you are the most Rand person ever to be named Rand, and also, fuck you.” That was our response when we learned that for years—as in, all the years she’s spent in the public eye—Anne Hathaway has wanted people to call her Annie. Here she is, explaining the situation to one James Thomas Fallon.

Anne Hathaway is the most Annie person who has ever Annied. (We’re also pretty into “Miss H,” and if the next season of RuPaul’s Drag Race does not feature a queen using that moniker then we and all other pop culture sites will have failed.) But yes, that person is clearly an Annie and it should absolutely say so on her SAG card. No one has ever been more an Annie than Anne Hathaway. The Devil Wears Prada, starring Annie Hathaway. Oscar Winner Annie Hathaway. Locked Down, the new pandemic heist movie starring Chiwetel Ejiofor and Annie Hathaway. What do we got?

And we are not shading Annie Hathaway here! We wish she’d said something sooner! This is like if a new kid transferred to your elementary school and the teacher introduced her as “Brittany” and so for years you called her “Brittany” and then you’re at your high school reunion and she says, “Oh by the way, my name is actually Whitney.” On the one hand, yes, please, correct us! We want to call you the thing you want to be called! On the other: Whitney, why did you wait so long?

Still, we offer our sincere congratulations to Miss H, who, now that she’s finally going by her one true name, is one step closer to achieving her final form: A sentient cover version of “It’s The Hard Knock Life.”

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