In an effort to give CNN the personality that the liberal doses of neon graphics, sampled Black Keys songs, and Joy Behar have not yet provided, the network has hired salt-cured celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain as the "marquee personality" to amp up its lifestyle programming, which has become a priority now that the news is so boring. Sunday evenings will find Bourdain touring the far corners of the globe for an as-yet-untitled program—as our suggestion of Cram The World Down Your Cakehole was rejected—and examining cultures "through their food and dining and travel rituals."
Astute viewers who have heard of Anthony Bourdain before and are able to read and process English words may recognize that as a very similar format to Bourdain's successful Travel Channel program No Reservations, a redundancy that will soon be addressed by closing that series down after eight seasons, then taking its producers with him to make his new show. And though his newest program, The Layover, will get one more season, and the network will still be allowed to run old No Reservations episodes, the move will unfortunately leave the Travel Channel with a large void in its programming schedule—a looming gap it's already addressed by alerting Andrew Zimmern that he's going to have start eating a lot more penises.