April 30, 2008
I'm
a 52-year-old male, divorced for the past eight years. I recently broke off a
five-year relationship with a woman two years my senior. About six weeks ago, a
new female worker started in our office. We're really hitting it off, and
frankly, I've fallen for her—hard! However, she is 36, never married, and
I have not asked her out yet, but I definitely want to. In fact, I want to marry
her.
There
are some of my coworkers who think I'm "robbing the cradle" in this situation.
Given that we have two possible barriers to overcome, age and work situation,
what do you advise? Go ahead slowly or full steam ahead?
Geezer
In Love
I would advise you to stop wasting my time,
GIL.
You've known this woman for six
weeks—six weeks—and
you haven't so much as been out on a date with her yet. It's not even
appropriate to joke about marriage at this stage—marriage, GIL, which is so totally holy and sacred
and between one man and one woman and wocka wocka wocka. And it's entirely
possible that you've mistaken this woman's efforts to ingratiate herself with
her new officemates as "hitting it off." For all you know, this woman, like
your coworkers, thinks you're a creepy old lech, GIL.
And speaking of the so totally holy and
super-sacred institution of marriage…
When two dudes get married, the
marriage-is-between-one-man-and-one-woman brigades crap their collective pants,
vomit up ten thousand press releases, and run in circles screaming about all
the hurricanes and earthquakes and unattractive haircuts that Our Loving Father™
is gonna rain down on our heads if we don't pry Adam off Steve right fucking
now.
Well, the one-man-and-one-woman crowd has
been strangely silent about this polygamist sect in Texas that's been all over
the news. It appears that the Fundamentalist Church Of Jesus Christ Of
Latter-day Saints has been organizing marriages/statutory rapes between one man
and dozens or more women and/or girls. "Where's the outrage?" writes a reader,
which prompted me to go looking for some outrage at the reliably outraged
website of Concerned Women for America (cwfa.org). There are more
anti-gay-marriage press releases packed onto CWFA's website than there is fudge
packed into all the homos in all the Sodoms in all of North America. But
there's not one single word that I could find about these straight men in Texas
violating the holy and sacred one-man-and-one-woman rule. What gives?
This
is a super-vanilla question, but I thought I'd give it a go: My boyfriend and I
have been together for three years and have been living together for nine
months. He is very considerate, does housework, throws me birthday parties, and
hangs out with my friends. The problem is that I think it's very important to
get married if you love someone and want to make a life with that person. He
feels as though we haven't known each other long enough. He never talks about
"when we're married," but he does talk about things in the future. He wants to
buy a house, for instance, but I've told him I will not move into said house
without being married. His complete lack of consideration for my views on
marriage makes me think that it will never happen. What should I do?
Bare
Ring Finger
P.S.
Sorry I don't have any pics of his tush; it's a good one!
Hold your ground, BRF. If he wants to buy a
house and plan a future with you, tell him you're down with that—so long
as you're married to him. If he doesn't want to marry you, tell him he'll have
to do all that future crap with someone else.
But here's the catch, BRF: You gotta mean
it.
I struck up a couple of casual convos
about a little kink with my girlfriend. She seemed into it at first. Then I
brought it up a couple more times. She said things like, "I just like sex
without all the drama and charades." Then I brought it up again later and the
discussion devolved into an argument.
I had an almost identical convo with a
previous girlfriend. It ended with her turning me down, saying something like,
"It just seems so distracting." I've never asked a girl for anything too odd.
In fact, I've seldom gotten very far into ANY specifics, other than just saying
I'd like to try some things out to see if they're fun. All my girlfriends,
despite being quite fuck-happy, have blown me off repeatedly when it comes to
role-play, light bondage, and other pretty mainstream kinks.
I feel hurt because I have not been able
to feel the freedom of open exploration of my sexuality. I just want to explore
more with somebody and have fun. How should I approach things differently?
No
Kink At Twenty Eight
Provided you're not coming across like
Eliot Spitzer doing a press conference—provided you don't look and sound
like a serial killer who just got caught with a suitcase full of women's
skins—all you have to do differently, NKATE, is make sure the girlfriend
understands that drama and charades are requirements, not requests. Tell her
that, being a decent sort, you would like to explore your run-of-the-mill kinks
with your girlfriend. If she isn't willing to explore with you, well, then
she's the wrong girlfriend for you, and you're the wrong boyfriend for her.
Shake hands and say goodbye. Then keep having these convos with the women you
date until you run across a girl who shares your kinks or is GGG enough to
indulge them.
And speaking of bondage…
Another kinkster is dead after being tied
up and left alone. James Bargy, 29, died after his wife, Rebecca Bargy, tied
him up and left him alone for 20 hours. Mr. and Mrs. Bargy reportedly played this game before; she
was spending the night at a hotel with another man, and their cuckolding
routine involved her leaving him bound and him wiggling out of the bondage. Not
this time: Mr. Bargy—a ball gag in his mouth, and most of his head wrapped
in duct tape—asphyxiated before his wife returned. Mr. Bargy remains
deceased as of this writing, and Mrs. Bargy is facing prison time.
Once again, dear readers, a tied-up person
should never be left alone. If being tied up and left alone or tying someone up
and leaving them alone is an important part of your thrill, the tied-up person
should not be in a stressful position, nothing should restrict his or her
breathing (no fucking gags or duct tape), and someone should be well within
earshot at all times.
And speaking of bondage…
BDSM porn colossus Kink.com is launching an
all-male bondage website—finally—and it's hired occasional Savage Love guest expert Van Darkholme to head it up.
Van is the director and star of the Bondo Gods series, the author and photographer of the
book Male Bondage, a shibari expert, and a thoroughly nice guy. "We are
looking for experienced performers and also newbies," says Van, in order to get
the new site off the ground. So if you're gay and/or bi, wanna get tied up and
erotically abused under the direction of a scorching-hot pro (you can check out
Van at his personal website, vandarkholme.com), make some money, and then get
jerked off over by thousands of happy paying customers, you're invited to apply
today at Kink.com.
Download
a new Savage Lovecast
(my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.
Got
problems? [email protected]