There are a lot of ways and reasons and techniques and reasons to criticize or make fun of Donald Trump. (God knows we’ve been dedicated explorers in this ever-expanding and exciting field.) But few are as fun as making fun of the size of his hands, if only because it’s a running joke—dating back to Spy magazine’s description of him as a “short-fingered vulgarian” back in 1988—that seems to sincerely bother the GOP candidate. (Marco Rubio took a swipe at Trump’s supposedly short-sized digits shortly before he flamed out of the Republican primaries, inaugurating the bold “dick size” period of American political discourse.)
People have been looking for actual evidence of Trump’s exact hand size for years—including searching some of his buildings for concrete casts—with little luck. But The Hollywood Reporter has finally cracked the mystery, employing Trump’s own vanity against him. You see, Trump was the subject of a wax sculpture from Madame Tussauds in the mid-90s, a process that involved taking detailed measurements of his body, including his hands, and also presumably a lot of nervous double takes by the sculptors to remind themselves which waxy-skinned humunculus was which. And while the sculpture has long since been shelved—a new one will go back up if Trump wins the election, at least for as long as there’s still a planet around to host it—the brass plate showing his hand prints is still on display at Tussauds’ New York location.
But The Reporter hasn’t just revealed the truth of Trump’s hands—slightly smaller than average, although not the meager baby claws it’s fun to pretend are dangling like a couple of Cheetos from his orange-skinned arms—but put together a flier allowing readers to compare their own hands to the candidate’s. You can find the comparison chart right here, and discover once and for all whether you could beat Donald Trump in the hand-size competition that he (and, to be fair, we) have been so weirdly obsessed with for so long.