Ariana Grande calls on Disney to “protect and preserve” The Tower Of Terror

For over 100 years, the Hollywood Tower Hotel, colloquially known as The Twilight Zone Tower Of Terror theme park attraction, has haunted the unsuspecting riders who dare to experience its faulty elevator. Yet, the slow march of progress and an overzealous mandate to synergize all brands under Disney’s portfolio of products has threatened the ubiquity of The Tower Of Terror. The ride has been sending riders into freefall, following one of Disney’s best pre-ride line shows, since 1994. However, Disney’s efforts to maximize its competing brands have pitted the Tower Of Terror against a multiverse of madness hellbent on reskinning the famed attraction to fit within the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Ah, the forward march of progress afforded only to globalized brands knows no generosity. Like many Disney rides, the fading memories of its riders means, soon, there won’t be enough brand recognition of The Twilight Zone to justify its inclusion in Disney World. In California’s Disneyland, the changes have already begun. In 2021, Disney rethemed The Tower Of Terror as Guardians Of The Galaxy — Mission: BREAKOUT!

We must turn to those with a voice in these moments of great political uncertainty. Someone willing to accept the slings and arrows of dissent and speak truth to power. That’s why when appearing on Las Culturistas, Ariana Grande rose to the challenge and called upon Disney to “preserve and protect” the Tower of Terror.  Despite having “love and respect” for the Guardians of the Galaxy (“a beautiful thing”), Grande expressed “dire desperation” toward keeping the Floridian version of the ride intact.

“Perhaps this message comes prematurely, but I would be remiss if I did not reach out with a potential matter of grave concern,” Grande said in an open letter to Bob Iger and ad-wizards at Disney considering changing the Tower. “In the wake of the most recent alterations that have befallen your historic park in California—yes, I’m referring to the calamitous loss/makeover of the Tower Of Terror ride here—I humbly implore you to not follow suit.”

“Please allow the iconic and tremendous Tower Of Terror to stand tall, permanently in the name of historical preservation, spooky honor, and good, old-fashioned fun. I hope that you’ll consider this humble plea from a passionate fan.”

Unfortunately, given the state of American politics, it’s unlikely that the Tower will receive the historic landmark designation that could prevent the ride from becoming another Marvel brand extension. Nor will the culture warriors fight on behalf of the Tower due to the missing component of some race- or gender-based controversy that allows them to exert their own racially charged insecurities. We’ve seen this before when Universal also bent to the Chris Pratt-ification of its Jurassic Park: The Ride. Universal Studios visitors are accustomed to vomiting at the sudden realization that the Jurassic Park experience had been watered down with specifics from a series of forgettable legacy sequels the studio is already rebooting. The feeling of helplessness in the face of these rebrands takes a heavy toll, so we thank the Arianator for taking such a principled stand in these troubled times.