Arnold Schwarzenegger has picked out his next movie, unless something else happens

Ever since Arnold Schwarzenegger left political office and got to the chopper of private life, many people have been asking, “What will Schwarzenegger choose as his triumphant return to acting?” These people are being fatuous intentionally, because everyone knows that right now it’s all but impossible to look at Arnold Schwarzenegger without thinking about how he diddled his maid and fathered a secret love child. It’s why Schwarzenegger’s prematurely announced triumphant returns to acting have all been postponed or scrapped—The Governator, for its now-icky insinuations that Schwarzenegger hides his double life from his family, and Cry Macho, because that film would have found Schwarzenegger forging an unexpected fatherly bond with a young Mexican boy. You can see the dilemma.

But now it seems as though Schwarzenegger will return to one of the other projects rumored before everything became imbued with ironic parallels—specifically the previously reported The Last Stand, Kim Ji-Woon’s actioner about a small-town sheriff attempting to stop an evil drug cartel leader from escaping into Mexico in a “super car.” According to the L.A. Times, the contracts have been signed, shooting is scheduled for later this year, and it really will be Schwarzenegger's first new film, barring any further complications related to his penis or otherwise. Anyway, as long as the super car doesn’t turn out to be a modified Steyr, a bulked-up monstrosity of Austrian engineering that’s barreling down with the intention of penetrating the Mexican border with no regard for law or common decency, Schwarzenegger is probably safe in choosing this one.