Awful Things Bravo's Andy Cohen Is Responsible For:
1. These people.
Did Bravo's Andy Cohen tell these people to crash a state dinner at the White House and then brag about it on Facebook? Probably not. Is their stunt equal parts dumb, hilarious, and disgusting? Definitely yes. Just the sight of them dressed in tux and sari is all those things. And "equal parts dumb, hilarious, and disgusting" is what Bravo's Andy Cohen goes for in most of the channel's non-competitive reality programming.
Since the couple was being filmed for possible inclusion in the upcoming Real Housewives Of DC series around the time of the crashing, and since Andy Cohen loves to reward dazzling displays of stupidity—table-flipping, wig-tugging, "skinny girl margaritas"—with a shower of airtime, text polls, and commemorative t-shirts, really it was only a matter of time before someone crashed a state dinner at the White House in the hope of gaining Bravo reality show infamy.
2. This T-Shirt.
What is this fresh horror? Why does it exist? Because Andy Cohen thinks it's funny, and anything that Andy Cohen finds funny gets made into an overpriced (FYI: any price is too much for these t-shirts) Bravotv.com t-shirt.
Thankfully an actual person has never been seen in public wearing one of these things, so it's almost like these t-shirts only exist in theory, like black holes prior to 1960 or Andy Cohen's soul.
3. This scene.
Oh, look. The Real Housewives Of New Jersey are acting now. The Housewives are also "writing" books
How lucky we are that we get to live in the age of do-nothing, Housewives entrepreneurship! There are so many crappy things made by the housewives for us to consume in the hope of harnessing some of their magical crappiness!
4. This image.
Andy Cohen knows how to make the most effective nightmares: take a muppet, put a wig on its head, dress it up like Cupid after hitting the Ann Taylor career-wear section, and give it its own show about the muppet's lucrative rent-a-wife service for millionaires.
5. Text polls!
(image via)
What are you thinking as you watch this show? How inane are your thoughts right now? Let us know exactly how inane by texting Bravo! Andy Cohen will then gather all the responses, print them out, stuff them into his mattress, and then take a nap on top of all of your thoughts. Interactivity rules!
6. Andy Cohen.
Obviously, Andy Cohen's most awful creation, besides these Bravo holiday e-cards, is Andy Cohen himself.
It's taken decades, but Andy Cohen has finally uncovered TV's killer app: A live chat show with all the visual interest of televised bad radio that aggressively sells other TV shows on the same network via annoying catchphrases ("here's what" "bravolebrities"), boring call-ins, and the reading of viewer tweets aloud to the viewers. Watch What Happens Live! is like QVC crossed with an echo chamber as hosted by a human-shaped pile of duh. In other words it is a bravo-asterpiece!