Following two years of lobbing insults in the general direction of Australian pop star Iggy Azalea, fellow rapper-or-flower-or-whatever Azealia Banks is now waging war on the entire nation of Australia to save time. After all, Australia is a vast and forbidding continent; players of the board game Risk know that it’s best to try to take it in one fell swoop, rather than get bogged down in too many minor skirmishes with its individual musicians. (AC/DC alone will tie you up for decades.) So Banks has taken to the garrison of her Twitter account, firing off a series of blanket tweets that blast the entire country of Australia as violent, angry, and really far away.
The bloodshed began, as it so often does, with a backhanded compliment, issued by Brisbane radio announcer Paul Brown to congratulate Banks on completing “her first ever full Australian concert” at last weekend’s Splendour In The Grass festival. Banks had previously ended her set early at 2012’s Splendour, blaming the sound, then walked out on two separate Australian shows in 2013—one after a mere 90 seconds—after someone in each crowd hurled a drink at her. This time the stars, equipment, and drunks aligned—but as Banks reminded in her response to Brown, an afternoon without someone throwing shit doesn’t make Australia any less terrible.
@brownypaul @SITG because in all actuality. You guys are terrible crowds to play for. You’re violent and belligerent and I simply
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) July 27, 2015
@brownypaul @SITG will not put my safety at risk. I would’ve walked off stage had someone thrown something .
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) July 27, 2015
That momentary respite from hurling drinks also can’t fix Australia’s most glaring problem, which has plagued it for millennia: It’s too far away. And as many weary travelers can tell you after spending hours on a plane, very rarely do you receive enough money when you get there to make it all worth it.
@brownypaul @SITG plus you guys are too far away and honestly, the show guarantees are never really worth the trip.
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) July 27, 2015
Also, it has too many sharks.
Australia gotta chill with these sharks yall need to call crimestoppers on them lol
— AZEALIA BANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) July 25, 2015
Of course, Banks’ war with Australia is about more than just its despicable people, geographical location, and fish. Her campaign against the continent has been brewing in earnest since late last year, when she first accused Australia of being “one of the most notoriously racist countries in the WORLD,” then later told rapper Lupe Fiasco—as part of one of many concurrent feuds—that these conflicted racist Australian fans were also consumed with “cultural fetishism… they only like you because you’re black, not because you’re good.” With this latest salvo, Banks now seems intent on escalating things into a total scorched-earth campaign against Australia, finally explaining what happened prior to the events of Mad Max.
As of today, the number of continents Banks isn’t currently feuding with stands at five. However, Antarctica also continues to be really far away—insultingly so, frankly.