Bar Rescue's Jon Taffer wants to save your marriage

Bar Rescue has long been screaming for a spin-off, some new avenue for host Jon Taffer to shred his vocal cords before a whole new batch of slack-jawed dopes. But where else, one wonders, can a bar science expert turn? Taffer is only good at two things, after all: red-faced shrieking and hiring mixologists. Well, it appears we can add repairing splintered relationships to the list, because your boy is the new host of Marriage Rescue, a very real Paramount series in which the creator of the butt funnel works to preserve the sanctity of marriage. How, you ask? By bellowing until he passes out, of course.

Per TheWrap, Taffer will whisk troubled couples to a five-star Puerto Rican resort where he’ll “put their relationship to the test with a series of unique, customized challenges” that will help determine whether they’ll “stay together or separate.” Taffer will draw upon his vast set of skills along the way, calling people liars when he’s not informing them of how fucked they are. “So you won’t commit to this marriage, and neither will you,” he deadpans in the below teaser. “You guys are screwed.” Holy shit.

But it gets better. “Because I’m not a therapist, I don’t care what their mother said to them when they’re six years old,” Taffer says in his soft, matter-of-fact grumble before a clip shows him telling a woman that “maybe you’re just a horrible wife.”

Marriage Rescue premieres on the Paramount Network on Sunday, June 2. We sincerely cannot wait.