It goes without saying that films are composed of a dense coagulation of influences, some more transparent than others, but a curious pattern emerges in Beautiful Creatures, an insipid crime comedy that could be called uniquely generic. Sound like a contradiction in terms? Consider what Creatures copies: the opening point-of-view shot of a night train heading down the tracks (Zentropa), two female protagonists who dodge the authorities after one kills the other's male assailant (Thelma & Louise), a dog that scurries off with a human appendage (Wild At Heart, itself an homage to Yojimbo), an ironic shootout from several angles (Reservoir Dogs), and several references to old British gangster icons (The Krays). The connection: Every one of those films was produced in either 1990 or 1991. There's little evidence that writer Simon Donald and first-time director Bill Eagles have seen anything made before or since—with the possible exception of 1994's Shallow Grave—but it's depressing to think a film this forgettable was the result of a decade-long gestation period. As tough-minded young Glaswegian women with abusive lovers, Susan Lynch and Rachel Weisz may be intended as doppelgängers, since their sole distinguishing feature is hair color. After an argument with her boyfriend (Iain Glen) over his missing golf clubs, Lynch (the brunette) returns home to find her apartment trashed, her money stolen, and her beloved dog covered in red paint. On her way to catch a bus to London, she stumbles upon a drunk (Tom Mannion) attacking Weisz (the peroxide blonde) in an alleyway, and thwacks him on the head with a scaffolding pole. Unable to go to the police, they devise a ridiculous phony ransom scheme to bilk the victim's mob syndicate out of a million pounds so they can run off together. Forged under such unusual circumstances, Lynch and Weisz's relationship needs more room to develop, especially as their platonic bond edges into Cinemax territory. But once set in motion, the gears of Donald's overstuffed plot mangle any attempts at characterization, twisting and contorting into ever more implausible scenarios. A copy of other copies, Beautiful Creatures is at least a couple of generations removed from its original source, and the degradation shows.