When Conan O'Brien takes over The Tonight Show in 2009, reducing Jay Leno to a bumbling retiree who wanders aimlessly around his gargantuan garage with a microphone, asking his many antique cars if they can recite the Pledge Of Allegiance, there will be many consequences both good (Jay-Walking mercifully dies) and bad (the continued existence of Carson Daly, possibly in a better timeslot).
But the worst consequence of The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien, is that Conan might do the show in L.A., a move that would deprive myself and many, many New Yorkers of one of the show's glorious natural resources: unsubstantiated rumors about Max Weinberg (aka, URAMWs).
The funniest URAMW I ever heard was that at one point he (allegedly) wanted to be billed as "Max Weinberg And The Max Weinberg Seven Featuring Max Weinberg," but he was talked down to only two mentions of his name, instead of three.
On a recent episode of Late Night, Will Forte discussed the grossest, most well-known, and all around best URAMW. The clip is below:
Still, if Conan does move to LA, there is a silver lining. It means a whole new coast of people will get to hear unsubstantiated things about the talk show band leader like, "Did you know that Max Weinberg uses a blow dryer on his balls?"