Today, in the world of wax-based burns—which we’re now going to just go ahead and think of as “melts” from here on out, if that’s okay with you: The Madame Tussauds wax museum in Berlin has performed a pointed little bit of proactive theater this weekend, staging a photo op in which it placed its figure of U.S. president Donald Trump in the trash as a “preparatory measure.” Per People, the museum’s marketing manager, Orkide Yalcindag, acknowledged in a statement to Reuters that “Today’s activity is rather of a symbolic character ahead of the elections in the United States,” because hey, they’re probably not actually going to throw out a very expensive wax figure that could easily be repurposed into a perfectly serviceable Biff from Back To The Future Part 2.
Still, though—and in so far as the degree it’s likely to annoy Trump, which seems considerable—we can’t help but approve, even if the figure and all its little “Fake News” tweet signs will probably be quietly rolled back to its usual spot in the museum shortly. It’s not the only bit of commentary the Madame Tussauds organization has done with Trump of late, either; its Amsterdam incarnation put its Trump figure in one of its front windows, mask attached to his face, and surrounded by “QUARANTINE” signs, after Trump was diagnosed with COVID-19.
All of which is all well and good, except for this: It’s sent us down a real rabbit hole this morning of Trump wax figures, of which there are an extraordinary number out in the world, just waiting for an evil wizard to make them all come to life and start being rude to simulacra waitstaff. Because it’s still technically Horrors Week here at The A.V. Club (Happy Halloween!), we thought we’d share a few of our *shudder* favorites—and apologies if we accidentally get a few pictures of Flesh Trump in here, because dude’s complexion is waxy as fuck.
Let’s start with what we’re pretty sure is the first Trump wax figurine, from Madame Tussauds New York, which is disturbing both for its “baby left out to rot in the sun” aesthetic, as well as the fact that the photo was taken at something called “Madame Tussauds New York Unveils The Jennifer Aniston Experience.”
Next we jump ahead to Trump the candidate, courtesy of this truly horrifying set of 2016 figures from the ‘Polonia’ Wax Museum in Krakow.
Which then brings us into the era when every wax museum on the planet realized it probably had to get a Trump figure ready, regardless of political interest, wax molding skill, or ability to capture the soulless look of his dead little eyes. (That part, actually, they nail.)
With all due respect to Bob Odenkirk: Looks a little like Bob Odenkirk, right?
This one really nails the lip pout, as well as the geometric hairline.
Answering the question of what happens when you pre-airbrush someone’s face:
This one looks like he just heard an ice cream truck jingle start like six blocks away.
This one looks like what you’d get if you described Donald Trump to a wax sculptor who was lucky enough to have never seen him.
And this is clearly a Jimmy Carter mannequin that has been tragically repurposed.
Finally, presented without comment (except that a) it’s weirdly fitting that this photo was taken in Paris, and b) if we ever saw one of these floating around trying to murder us like a monster in a Castlevania game, we’d shut the fucking console off):
Anyway, this ended up burning, like, half our Getty Images budget for the month, but if it gives even one human being the same nightmares we get every time we have to look through image after image of Trump’s smug jowl platform, it will have been worth it.