Top picks
Bob’s Burgers (Fox, 8:30 and 9 p.m.): The constant rescheduling and preemption of new episodes of Bob’s Burgers is a familiar pain to its loyal fans, but the plus side of it is the occasional super-sized meal of two episodes at once. And based on the synopses, what a meal it is tonight. There’s a bouncy castle at Regular Sized Rudy’s birthday party! Gene leads the kids of the town on a mystical adventure! Bob has to deal with a buried phobia! Linda’s competitive side gets charged up by a slow day at the restaurant! And there’s a bouncy castle! Yes, we said that last one twice, but Alasdair Wilkins really, really likes bouncy castles. Not as much as he likes wrestling rings, but still an awful lot.
The Simpsons (Fox, 8 p.m.): The unrequited love between Waylon Smithers and Charles Montgomery Burns has been a smoldering ember at the show’s heart for 27 seasons, but it looks like tonight Smithers has finally had enough of being his boss’s doormat and is finally coming out of the closet, while Homer’s trying to find him a boyfriend. Why not that nice John fellow who runs Cockamamie’s at the mall, Dennis Perkins suggests? Oh, sorry, he didn’t realize there was some history there.
The Last Man On Earth (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): Carol’s biological clock hasn’t been wound up in the last few episodes with all of that Phil 2.0 dying and Todd hooking up with Gail behind Melissa’s back antics, but it looks like it’s back to baby-craziness this week as “she decides it’s time to repopulate the world.” Vikram Murthi is living in fear of a world inhabited solely by a legion of Carol and Tandy spawn. It’d be like Mad Max: Fury Road, everyone riding eternal, shiny, and Bedazzled, under the battle cry of “Oh, what a lovely day, you frigging turds!”
Wrestlemania 32 (WWE Network, 7 p.m.): The biggest night in sports entertainment feels a little bit puny this year, with so much of the WWE roster sidelined and behind-the-scenes decisions building to a World Heavyweight Championship that no one’s particularly excited about. At least Kyle Fowle has the face off between Shane McMahon and The Undertaker to look forward to.
Premieres and finales
The Walking Dead (AMC, 9 p.m.): Batter up for the 90-minute season six finale, where we’re evidently going to finally get our first look at the head of the Saviors, Negan. Based on Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya’s reviews Jeffrey Dean Morgan is evidently keeping The Good Wife afloat in a wholly mediocre final season all by himself by virtue of his smoldering charisma, and with any luck he’ll help lift the Saviors out of the pit of generic nastiness and smug superiority that’s turned Zack Handlen off the group in recent weeks. Or at least he’ll make Rick and company regret their (latest) boneheaded decision to have all their best fighters leave Alexandria at once.
Talking Dead (AMC, 10:30 p.m.): All the heavy hitters are out for the finale as comic creator Robert Kirkman, showrunner Scott M. Gimple, and fan favorite Norman Reedus take their place on the couch.
Shameless (Showtime, 9 p.m.): It’s a Gallagher wedding day as Fiona gets ready to walk down the aisle, and Myles McNutt is honored to give the bride away. Tonight’s sixth season finale is titled “Familia Supra Gallegorious Omnia!” Your What’s On Tonight correspondent took four years of Latin in high school, and was pleased to note that this was a grammatically correct sentence so he didn’t have to go all Life Of Brian on Showtime this week.
Call The Midwife (PBS, 8 p.m.): It’s the fifth season premiere of Call The Midwife, and it turns out people are still having babies and the people of Nonnatus House are still just the people to help bring them into the world. Some of those babies are less fortunate than others, as one child is born with deformities so severe that it leads the father to push the child away. Come on, it could be worse. At least it wasn’t born a flukeman.
The 51st Annual Academy of Country Music Awards (CBS, 8 p.m.): Our very own Amelie Gillette put this at the bottom of the week’s Tolerability Index, asking “Is there even enough country music produced in a year to feed all these country music awards shows?” The answer is apparently yes, and this one promises to satisfy everyone who’s been waiting to see a duet between Dolly Parton and Katy Perry. It’s no Rhinestone pairing of Dolly Parton and Sylvester Stallone, but it’ll do.
All-Star Academy (Food Network, 9 p.m.): On the season two finale, the mentors provide their class with a history lesson and a challenge to use ingredients from their first day of school in their final dish. If we had to do that, we’d be wowing the judges with our finest Trapper Keeper casserole and highlighter salad, with pencil sharpener ice cream for dessert.
The Story Of God With Morgan Freeman (National Geographic, 9 p.m.): Let’s be honest, every single one of us—even those not affected with Freemanic paracusia—imagines that if God were to speak to us, He would sound a lot like Morgan Freeman. It’s a voice that’s scientifically proven to put us all at ease, a smooth and measured tone that can even lend gravitas to a movie as batshit as Lucy. Kudos then to National Geographic for steering into the skid and casting Freeman as the host of their latest series, which goes on a tour of various religions and faiths in a search for the higher meanings behind it all. Freeman has proposed his own theories on the creation of the divine, let’s see what evidence he can find. (We’re still not letting go of our own theory that God is Morgan Freeman. It’s true! We saw it in a movie once!)
Regular coverage
Once Upon A Time (ABC, 8 p.m.)
The Family (ABC, 9 p.m.)
Vinyl (HBO, 9 p.m.)
The Carmichael Show (NBC, 9 p.m.)
Girls (HBO, 10 p.m.)
Billions (Showtime, 10 p.m.)
Togetherness (HBO, 10:30 p.m.)
Streaming pick
The Simpsons, “Grade School Confidential” (FX NOW): We’re quickly growing fond of this new What’s On Tonight format, largely because we don’t have to strain for jokes about the same cooking shows every week. However, we admit to nostalgia for some parts of the old days, particularly the days of classic Simpsons reviews where we could quote to our heart’s content. So we’re going to have our first pick pay homage to that trend and plug an episode that—like the first of tonight’s Bob’s Burgers—also features a tertiary character’s birthday party with a bouncy castle. Let’s just hope that Regular Size Rudy’s family made the decision to serve cake instead of oysters, because we know where the latter option leads.