Bradley Cooper-starring Paradise Lost postponed for being way too expensive, as though such a film ever could be

Displaying the same last-minute cowardice that caused Disney to cull all the supernatural coyotes from The Lone Ranger, Legendary Pictures has postponed its reimagining of John Milton’s epic poem Paradise Lost as a 3-D film about angels and demons blowing each other up, citing a nervousness over director Alex Proyas’ rapidly expanding budget. Proyas had a scheduled January date to begin interpreting Milton’s 17th-century blank verse on the Fall of Man and all its heavy themes about sin and free will, with all the vast CGI hellscapes and shots of monsters exploding that implies. Unfortunately, when Proyas exceeded his $120 million budget by 15 percent and counting, his Legendary overseers became concerned that the director was being unnecessarily extravagant, most likely because they were not English majors. Filming is still expected to resume once the producers figure out a way to scale back, perhaps by doing away with some of the VFX work for Bradley Cooper's Lucifer, and utilizing Cooper’s natural ability to unleash the murky morass within and engulf a man’s soul through his eyeballs.