A number of years ago, I was in Miami (don't ever do this) and I happened upon a crush of photographers and reporters loosely swarming on the plebian side of the velvet rope outside some club. It was the weekend of the VMAs, and apparently MTV (or Diddy Vodka, or T-Mobile Sidekick, or Diddy's T-Mobile Sidekick-Infused Vodka) was hosting some party there that night and lots of artists were supposed to attend. Like Jessica Simpson. And maybe even Joe Simpson. I was told this by a tiny, energetic blonde nugget who was waiting outside under an umbrella (it had been raining non-stop all weekend). She was a stringer for People, she said, and she just had to get some quotes tonight because so far she hadn't gotten anything, and oh my God what was she going to do? Just then, a limo pulled up and out stepped Nelly. This was the nugget's chance! She immediately sprung into action, darting through the crowd, squeezing past several other reporters and photographers and hangers-on until she was finally at the front of the pack, right up against the velvet rope. As Nelly approached, she stuck out her little digital recorder. What would she ask? What words would she say to elicit a terrific, quotable response from the guy who wears a band-aid on his face?
"Nelly! Nelly!" she implored, "Nelly, what do you think of this weather?"
"It's crazy," Nelly said. Then he disappeared into the club where he was no doubt showered with bottles of Diddy vodka, T-mobile Sidekicks, and Diddy's T-mobile Sidekick Infused Vodka.
Thank God she asked, right? How would any of us have known if the weather was in fact crazy unless that information was relayed to us from Nelly via People magazine?
Obviously, it doesn't ultimately matter what Nelly thinks about anything. It didn't matter then, and it doesn't matter now. What does matter more than anything, however, is what Mario Lopez thinks about things. Which is why we should all be thankful to MTV News for being brave enough to ask him the tough questions like, "What do you think of Michael Jackson's This Is It?"
Well, I'm a huge Michael Jackson fan. He can do no wrong in my eyes, so I was going to love it regardless," Lopez told MTV News on Wednesday after seeing the film at the L.A. premiere. "But I thought it was awesome. I thought it was such a great preview of what could have been. … I mean, it was really a huge spectacle. It was probably going to be the coolest concert, I think, that was ever around."
Whew. I guess we should all see it then? We're certainly better informed (about Mario Lopez's thoughts about This Is It), and that's what's important.
How can any of us be expected to make any choices about, well, anything without first knowing Mario Lopez's thoughts on the matter. Before you do anything, ask yourself, "What does Mario Lopez think about that?" (WDMLTAT?) It just brings clarity. We've got 2 things down—what Mario thinks about Bea Arthur's death, and what Mario thinks about This Is It—and only an infinite number of things to go!