If you spent most of Boogie Nights lusting after stiff and sturdy beams, drooling over alabaster curves, and, uh, jacking off to wallpaper, you’re in luck: The object of your desire, porn king Jack Horner’s pleasure palace, is now for sale. Curbed LA reports that the nearly 4,000-square-foot home in California’s San Gabriel Valley has just been listed for $1.49 million—roughly the equivalent of 5,000 views on PornHub, which we’re fairly certain is how the royalties on those works.
Paul Thomas Anderson fans will be pleased/grossed out to note that the house doesn’t appear to have been altered at all since it stood in for the place where Burt Reynolds’ character threw his wild, 1970s pool orgies. The patterned wallpaper, wood paneling, beamed ceiling, stone fireplace, and, most importantly, the pool all look the same as they did when Anderson’s camera swooped past them to find Mark Wahlberg, Julianne Moore, John C. Reilly et al. talking sex, squats, and the surrogate families we create out of the people we’re fucking. There are four bedrooms and six baths to do coke in, plenty of attractive original countertops to do coke off of, vintage shag carpeting where you can lose your coke, and a three-car garage to store your extra coke. And of course, there’s a private circular driveway spacious enough for your wife’s cock.
Though the listing makes no explicit mention of Boogie Nights, the home is described as both an “entertainers delight” and a “HORSE PROPERTY,” the latter of which seems a bit on the nose. Interested parties should be apprised that it is situated in an “upscale neighborhood,” and be forewarned that, if you do buy this place, you better invite some of those upscale neighbors to come fuck in your pool.