Kensington police are taking drastic, pseudo-hard-rock measures to curb drunk driving in their part of Prince Edward Island. While acknowledging that the most wonderful (read: booziest) time of the year is upon Kensington citizens, the police department wants them to take all manner of precautions to stay safe on the roads, e.g., get a designated driver or a cab. In a post on the department’s Facebook page, Kensington police officers warn of the various penalties for drunk driving, including “hefty” fines and license suspension. But because they know that some knuckleheads will still want to drive their own cars while hammered, they’re instituting a new policy: get caught drunk driving, and you’ll have to listen to Nickelback on your ride to the station.
In what is not at all a violation of due process, the Kensington police’s somehow still unopened copy of Silver Side Up, Nickelback’s third album, will be unwrapped for the occasion and played in the squad car. “[W]e figure if you are foolish enough to get behind the wheel after drinking then a little Chad Kroeger and the boys is the perfect gift for you.” The police officers are probably just ribbing their countrymen, who have not responded to the news but are presumably delighted to learn their music will get extra play this month.