No, kitty, this is Cartman's Ozempic in South Park: The End Of Obesity trailer

For the first time in its nearly 30-year run, Eric Cartman will do the impossible: He’ll lose weight. Following 15,000 seasons of Stan and Kyle lobbing fat jokes at the sadistic 10-year-old, the festively plump Cartman may finally have the opportunity to deprive his friends of the one thing they mock him for. But is the world ready for skinny Cartman? Will his friends respect his authoritah?

Paramount+’s latest “South Park event,” a.k.a. made-for-TV movie, South Park: The End Of Obesity, will follow Cartman’s quest for prescription appetite suppressors that are currently all the rage. No longer just for diabetes patients who need medicine to regulate glucose levels, drugs like Ozempic and Monjouro can help Cartman lay off the Cheesy Poofs once and for all. Unfortunately, the stupid American healthcare system that sucks has denied this child the Ozempic he desperately needs. No Ozempic for kids? It’s sad what this country has become.

End Of Obesity is the latest in a line of South Park made-for-TV movies that ViacomCBS paid, ahem, $900 million for. The deal made Matt Stone and Trey Parker legitimate billionaires and began a streak of Paramount+ movies, including South Park: Joining The Panderverse and South Park: The Streaming Wars.

These South Park event movies are more or less the product of circumstance. Last year, Warner Bros. Discovery sued Paramount and the creators for $200 million over the streaming rights to South Park. Back in 2019, WBD secured the rights to the show, and the creators produced several 50-minute specials for HBO Max, which paid more than $1.6 million per episode to secure the show’s back catalog and 30 new episodes. After ViacomCBS announced Paramount+, production on new episodes slowed, and production on specials exclusive to Paramount kicked up. All this so we can have a very special episode where Cartman tries to get his hands on some Ozempic. If that’s not worth $1.1 billion, we don’t know what is.

South Park: The End Of Obesity will premiere on May 24 on Paramount+.