CBS, clearly taking leave of its senses, has announced that it’s purchased a script commitment for a real-time action drama in the style of beloved boy-show 24, but with—get this—a woman in the lead role. The series, tentatively titled Last Hour (as in how long your wives make you wait while they get ready to go out, are we right, fellas?) will be about a female FBI agent infiltrating “the most dangerous criminal organizations in the world.” Each episode of the show, currently being developed by Revenge producer Nikki Toscano and Universal TV, will focus on the final hour of a given infiltration.
Meanwhile, casting agents will begin scouring the land for that mythical creature: a female actress person who can convincingly play a badass action character in the mold of famous man hero Jack Bauer. Whomever they choose, this woman person is obviously in for a tough road ahead.
Will she get headaches from constantly squinting, steely-eyed, into the camera? Hurt her delicate lady throat by growling out lines like, “Where’s the BOMB, Torquemada? THE BOMB?!!” Break a nail while beating an interrogation subject half to death with a rusty metal dock hook? Not very ladylike behavior, CBS. And this mind-blowing gender flip could even extend into the rest of the show’s universe. Will the heroine have to rescue her husband and son from the evil terrorists, instead of a wife and daughter, as per tradition? This whole foolhardy errand will only open a new can of worms, and then the woman will drop that can, because girls think worms are gross.