Charlie Sheen reportedly to stop pretending to be in rehab, return to pretending to work

Although Charlie Sheen has rejected the notion that he is actually in “rehab”—characterizing those who would push rehab on him as a “bunch of turds,” and merely allowing an addiction specialist to occasionally lecture him at home while Sheen gives him a “Come on, guy” smirk—whatever you call his current respite from what he calls "work" is reportedly due to end in “3 to 4 weeks,” according to TMZ. At that point, Sheen will supposedly return to essentially playing himself on Two And A Half Men having only missed two episodes, which will then likely be made up at the end of the season—no harm, no $250 million foul, no need for CBS to address this matter for at least another day or two. Well, so long as everyone pretended to learn something.