Check out the injuries the Home Alone burglars should have had, from skull necrosis to full-thickness burns

Big thanks for A.V. Club reader Gareth Hughes for calling our attention to an amazing article from The Week in the comments for today’s Home Alone Memory Wipe. In the piece, which ran yesterday on The Week’s site, reporter Lauren Hansen consults Dr. Ryan St. Clair of the Weill Cornell Medical College to see just how injured The Wet Bandits would have been following their run-in with the devious Kevin McCallister.

For instance Marv’s iron to the face would have had, “serious impact, with enough force to fracture the bones surrounding the eyes. This is also known as a 'blowout fracture,' and can lead to serious disfigurement and debilitating double vision if not repaired properly." And while stepping on broken ornaments might not feel awesome, that pain pales in comparison to a blowtorch to the head, which St. Clair says would have given Harry, “’a full thickness burn likely to cause necrosis of the Calavarium (skull bone).’ That means the skin and bone tissue on Harry's skull will be so damaged and rotted that his skull bone is essentially dying and will likely require a transplant.” How whimsical! The whole piece is well worth a read, especially for anyone who might be planning on keeping away meddling nieces and nephews with a white-hot doorknob this holiday season.