Musician, fashion muse, and sentient clickbait Courtney Love traveled to Paris this week to attend the Cannes Lions festival. Unfortunately, it seems her trip hit a snag before she even got to her hotel. In a series of tweets sent out this morning, Love claims that her Uber ride from the airport was attacked by ferocious anti-Uber protestors, damaging her car and forcing her to seek alternative travel in the form of some good-hearted motorcyclists. Of course, it wasn’t over until she had the chance to wield her customary gift for understatement by saying that Iraq would be safer.
The incident began with Love notifying Kanye West that she may have to return to the airport, as her car had been attacked. The brutal and violent attack started, as all brutal attacks do, with a serious egging.
From there, Love mildly turned her attention to the time-honored philosophical technique of Ignoratio elenchi, also known as “irrelevant conclusion.”
Politics were also not far from the troubled chanteuse’s mind, as she reflected upon the responsibilities of political leaders to tend to their citizens in times of need. Or, in this case, tending to temporarily inconvenienced American celebrities in times of need. Either way, the posteriors of sitting Presidents resided in unsuitable locations for the concerns of the people.
Luckily, some helpful gentlemen on two wheels were nearby—gentlemen who nobly agreed to transport Love away from the vehicle in exchange for cold hard cash. They were seen off by some local denizens, who apparently tried to pay tribute to the rocker by showering her with symbols of her chosen genre of music.
It seems a little churlish to express anger at police simply for not also being fans of rock ’n’ roll. Still, the event was clearly trying for Love, who followed it up with a small speech on Instagram about her travails.
Indeed, the situation calls for a cry of “French Taliban” as just the proper sort of expression of cadavre exquis, as the French say (“exquisite corpse” to us heathens)—a surrealist assemblage of words that enriches our lives. Courtney Love, future poet laureate of the United States, is safe at last, even if car tires are not. Anti-Uber protests by taxi drivers claiming the company uses unfair business practices are expected to continue, as are explosions of emotion from Twitter’s most adept practitioner.