Cow escapes ranch, heads to resort, gets stuck on a waterslide

In 2017's Okja, a “super pig” escapes from captivity and ends up having a grand, frequently horrifying adventure. Possibly having watched the film and taken inspiration from its plot, a cow in Brazil recently fled its ranch home and went on a slightly less cinematic adventure of its own: Getting stuck on a waterslide at a nearby resort.

Travel + Leisure writes that the cow took off from a cattle ranch located roughly 500 miles west of Rio de Janeiro and ended up on the grounds of a resort called Nova Granada. While there, perhaps in the midst of looking for a deck chair that could support its bovine anatomy, it somehow managed to get up the stairs of a waterslide and then carefully navigated its way down most of it. A video of the cow’s ride—which it seems pretty unimpressed with taking—lets us see exactly what all of this looks like.

The cow basically just glances around apprehensively at the top of the slide, clatters its hooves down a clumsy first turn, then stands up and decides the situation is more trouble than its worth. Stuck in place, the cow looks toward the camera and the person filming it, both of them probably wondering how to get it out of its predicament.

Apparently “the slide was approved for 450 pounds” but the cow weighed more than 700. The fact that it didn’t crash through the slide—and that it’s a cow providing people with a novel sight—has made the animal a minor celebrity.

Further details from an article posted by Orlando, Florida’s 101.1 WJRR let us know that the cow was “destined for the slaughterhouse” but that the owner of the ranch it fled from now wants to keep it as a pet and has named the cow Tobogã, which is Portuguese for “slide.”

Take note, fellow cows. The best way to extend your lives is to do humanlike things by accident and hope, from the bottom of your enormous hearts, that the result is endearing enough to avoid being turned into steak.

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