Curious “readers” want to know: What’s the big to-do about Christian Grey and his Sons Of Anarchy? 

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, September 10. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK

Sons Of Anarchy (FX, 10 p.m.): The application of Charlie Hunnam’s face to the most famous masturbatory surrogate in pop literature couldn’t have come at a more opportune time for Sons Of Anarchy. (Though 50 Shades Of Grey fans wouldn’t have objected to a few more months of tantalizing… waiting.) And thus begins the sixth season of SOA, the first that dozens of viewers will treat exclusively as a stream of screenshots over which they can overlay the prose of E.L. James. Someday, maybe it’ll be Zack Handlen’s words that are being splashed across image macros.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, 8 p.m.): Four remain, but only two can be crowned Those Who Think They Can Dance And Are Correct In That Presumption. Oliver Sava loves it when a performer’s conclusions are backed up by audience voting.

Suits (USA, 10:01 p.m.): Louis wants to be the guy who handles the dissolution talks, a desire presumably expressed in a scene where he’s all like “But I want to handle the dissolution talks!” It’s becoming increasingly apparent that your What’s On Tonight? correspondent has seen very little of Suits, a tremendous disappointment to Carrie Raisler.

Six Feet Under (1 p.m.): The funeral of the week involves a serial killer, which is just your weekly reminder that John Teti’s Six Feet Under reviews are always here to provide refuge from the stupidity piling up around erstwhile Fisher Michael C. Hall on Dexter. (Through next week, at least. Good luck finding solace after that show’s finale.)

The Office (Classic) (3 p.m.): Speculation runs rampant when Dwight comes across the charred remains of a marijuana cigarette in the parking lot. Erik Adams informs us that such an object is commonly referred to as a “roach”—not that he would know anything about such things. (Now please stop staring at him like that.)

American Masters: Billie Jean King (PBS, 8 p.m.): More opportune timing: Following new evidence that suggests Bobby Riggs threw his “Battle Of The Sexes” match against Billie Jean King (and the “Still counts!” echo that followed it), Kevin McFarland gets a courtside seat to this profile of King, the very first American Masters special devoted to an athlete.

Snake Salvation (National Geographic, 9 p.m.): Cable TV’s continued exploration of rural America combs past the moonshiners and the duck-call manufacturers to arrive at snake handlers. “Finally” says some guy, reading this sentence while a rattlesnake weaves itself in and out of his fingers.

King Of Thrones (Destination America, 10 p.m.): In other “finally” news: At last, someone has taken the premise of that Home Improvement where Tim and Al construct “the man’s bathroom” and turned it into a series. [Grunt grunt grunt.]

The Heart, She Holler (Adult Swim, 12:30 a.m.): Take Brandon Nowalk’s hand and wade back into the strange, humid territory ruled with a sticky fist by the dimwitted Heartshe clan. Better bring a change of clothes.

Beasts Of The Southern Wild (HBO 2, 7:25 p.m.): Tonight’s lineup is brought to you by the American South, seen here through the eyes of Academy Award nominee Quvenzhané Wallis, an absolutely wonderful young woman and an unparalleled emerging talent (and that’s the last word on that).

The Thief Of Bagdad (TCM, 9:30 p.m.): Douglas Fairbanks swashbuckles his way through One Thousand And One Arabian Nights, tangling with cinematic effects that still impress nearly 90 years after The Thief Of Bagdad’s debut.

World Cup Qualifying Soccer: U.S. versus Mexico (ESPN, 7:40 p.m.): Competing for a chance to play in a poor allocation of Brazilian taxes, the United States and their rivals to the south have a rematch in the soccer capital of America: Columbus, Ohio. (Not being flip there: Columbus Crew Stadium was the first soccer-specific stadium to be built in the U.S. during the Major League Soccer era.)

Regular Show: In animation, there’s no such thing as a hiatus—just a short break while the network loads up one round of Bird Thing and Raccoon Thing adventures to follow the last round of Bird Thing and Raccoon Thing adventures. And even that was too long in Alasdair Wilkins’ eyes.