Dallas to get its own Melrose Place-style update

The TNT version would reportedly focus on “the next generation of Ewings”—namely characters that most people (outside of our resident Dallas fanatic Steve Hyden) probably don’t remember, because back then they were just the kids brought in to cute the place up a little. Characters like J.R. and Sue Ellen’s son John Ross, and Pam and Bobby’s adopted son Christopher, who was apparently revealed to be the son of Sue Ellen’s sister Kristin, who was the woman who shot J.R., and holy fuck we’re just remembering that this show got pretty convoluted sometimes. Anyway, so far the new version is just in the planning stages, but producers have already reached out to original cast members Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, and Patrick Duffy for either their participation or, at least, blessing. (As the New York Times puts it, “The last thing Warner wants is an original cast member bad-mouthing the idea of a remake.” Somebody better make sure Victoria Principal gets a phone call!)

On the one hand, this may not be so bad: It’s on TNT, and from what we’ve been told, it knows drama. Knows it. And it gave Mark-Paul Gosselaar a second life, so it’s already got some sort of voodoo shit down. On the other hand, LORD NOOOO ANOTHER REMAKE AIYEEEE, etc. And judging by the way the recent reboots of Beverly Hills, 90210 and Melrose Place have tried desperately to prove that they’re “current,” it could very well be retitled something like Dallas Nights, feature one softcore threesome per episode (that, knowing this show’s history, would later be revealed to be incestuous), and make John Ross the magnate of a “social networking empire” or something. But, uh, maybe this is better than seeing Ben Stiller in a comically oversized Stetson? Maybe?

And now, because we love you: A YouTube tribute to J.R. Ewing, set to a Limp Bizkit cover of The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes," because.