Although Friends has been off the air for nearly 10 years, its ensemble moving on to new, successful solo ventures and also being Matthew Perry, its central message remains everlasting—namely, that David Schwimmer, a.k.a “Ross,” is super uncool. “ROSS IS NOT COOL” is a truth that has been painted into the very fabric of this world and, more recently, it’s been painted on a fence outside Schwimmer’s recently acquired East Village townhouse, where the actor has already earned the ire of his new, super-cool neighbors with his general “Ross”-ness.
Another factor in The One Where Ross Got Totally Burned By Graffiti: Schwimmer purchased the original property, an 1852 townhouse that was considered an historic landmark, until Schwimmer decided he was “on a break” from history—you know, like he said on the show that, between it and Madagascar, gave him enough money to do whatever he wants for the rest of his life, whether that makes him “cool” or not. So, he demolished it to make room for a more modern building fit for schwimming in his new outdoor schwimming pool, as well as in the hot, angry tears of the neighborhood’s dedicated preservationists.
And that’s when his New Yorker neighbors fought back the best way they know how: through a passive-aggressive dig, referring to his old TV character and how totally uncool he is. Maybe they could have gone with something more clever, like, ”Could Ross BE any more uncool?” Maybe they also considered painting a monkey, because Ross had a monkey. But these things require a lot of work, and it’s hot out today.
Anyway, like the original building, the note has already been erased, covered up by the inexorable march of celebrity-funded progress and also paint. But its core, “ROSS IS NOT COOL” truth remains. Indeed, it will always be there for him. [EV Grieve via UPROXX]