December 4, 2013

I’m a bi woman in my
mid-20s in a great monogamish relationship with my straight boyfriend. We
occasionally invite other women into our sex life, which is really enjoyable
for both of us. He isn’t threatened by other women, only by other men, which
isn’t an issue since I’m not interested in any other men. So on the occasions
when we find a lady we’re both into who’s also into us, anything goes, and it’s
awesome. We’ve hooked up with both friends and strangers, but always as a
couple because it makes us both feel safe. That’s all lovely. Enter the
problem: I was visiting some friends of ours I used to live with before my
boyfriend and I moved in together. After going out for drinks, we were playing
an alcohol-fueled card game that turned into an alcohol-fueled strip card game.
This is in my former home where I am very comfortable, feel safe, and was
frequently in various states of undress while I was a housemate. One friend
soon had her lovely breasts out, and she made a few comments that were direct
and inviting and turned me on a little. I touched her boobs and sucked on her
nipples, but that’s as far as things went. Her boyfriend witnessed this but
wasn’t involved. It was a fun, playful moment, and soon after, I went to bed—alone.
It wasn’t anything my boyfriend would’ve objected to had he been there, but he
wasn’t there. Should I tell him about it, or is this a case where he has the
right not to know? I’m not interested in pursuing anything further with this
friend, and I’m not sure what talking about it would accomplish, other than
being honest at the expense of my boyfriend’s feelings, and probably making me
feel bad for something that, although it seemed innocent and harmless in the
moment, I shouldn’t have done.
Non-Intentional
Playful Partying Lady Experiences Situation

This experience would seem to fall in the
“right not to know” column, NIPPLES, but “right not to know” always has to be
weighed against “likelihood of finding out.”

You indicate that this couple—the girl with the
lovely, direct, and inviting breasts (LDIBs), and the boy who witnessed the
touching and sucking of said LDIBs—aren’t just friends of yours, NIPPLES, but
friends of “ours.” If either of them makes a reference to this game of strip
cribbage—or strip Uno or strip poker or strip Schnapsen—the next time the four
of you hang out, the boyfriend could be blindsided. And it’s not clear whether
there were other witnesses to your drunken touch-and-suck. But if there were
others there, and if you socialize with these other witnesses IRL or online,
the chances that your boyfriend will find out increase exponentially.

You know your boyfriend better than I do,
NIPPLES, so you’ll have to ask yourself if finding out about the incident at a
party or via a snarky Facebook post would leave him feeling twice as
upset—because then we’re talking about a crime and a cover-up, and
learning about the LDIBs incident in a manner (from a friend, in front of other
people) that leaves him feeling humiliated.

My boyfriend of nearly
a year and I live together and are planning to move across the country in about
a month. We have never fought and get along swimmingly. We have amazing sex, we
see eye to eye on almost everything, and we are planning a future together. The
only thing is, we have never said, “I love you,” to each other. Is this normal?
I know we love each other, but being in a serious, committed relationship of
almost a year and not saying those words? Could it be possible that he doesn’t
love me?
Hopefully Not
Unlovable

Even if your boyfriend had said, “I love you,”
a hundred thousand times over the last year, HNU, it would still be possible
that he didn’t love you. People have been known to lie about this shit. But I
don’t think a guy would move across the country or plan a future with a woman
for whom he felt nothing. Either he already loves you but hasn’t found the
right moment to say so, or he’s sensible enough to realize that you can’t be
certain that you’re in love with someone until after you’ve had at least one fight.

That said, HNU, if you’re ready to say it to
him, go ahead and say it. Just don’t have a meltdown if he’s not ready—yet—to
say it to you.

Say you’ve always
wanted to peg a guy, but your otherwise GGG hot husband isn’t into receiving
anal—for good reason (he’s had health problems back there)—but he jokingly
suggests he would be fine with you pegging his equally hot gay little brother.
Should you ask his gay little brother if you can peg him?
Wanting It For Evah

No.

How stupid would it
be to sleep with my boss’s gorgeous 18-year-old son? My boss has become a
mentor to me. He and his wife have welcomed me into their home, which includes
their aforementioned son, a high-school senior. I am a 23-year-old woman.
Normally, I wouldn’t sleep with anyone younger than 20. But besides being very
attractive, my boss’s son is funny, kind, and sweet. He’s also incredibly horny
and has some serious unexplored kinks that most girls his age have no interest
in. I want to spend the next few months fucking my boss’s son—bearing in mind
and honoring, of course, your campsite rule. Here are the two problems as I see
them: (1) Fucking around with your boss’s kid seems a surefire way to seriously
wreck your relationship with your boss. (2) He is still in high school.
Sex Or Not

1. Fucking your boss’s kid seems like a
surefire way to get your ass fired, SON, and depending on what field you’re
in—and how important good recommendations and work histories are in your
field—fucking the boss’s son could seriously derail your career. If, you know,
you manage to get caught. But if you do decide to fuck the shit out of a
gorgeous, funny, sweet, and kinky adult who happens to be your boss’s son,
well, you wouldn’t be the first person in human history to risk everything for
sex. As Mark Twain observed more than a century ago: “The human being, like the
immortals, naturally places sexual intercourse far and away above all other
joys—yet he has left it out of his heaven! The very thought of it excites him;
opportunity sets him wild; in this state, he will risk life, reputation,
everything—even his queer heaven itself—to make good that opportunity and ride
it to the overwhelming climax.”

2. He is an adult—who is still in high school.
You are not that far out of high school. Math is hard for me, SON, but
according to my calculations, you’re not that far apart in age. You might be
sabotaging your career, but you wouldn’t be robbing the cradle.

3. The campsite rule for new readers: The older
and/or more experienced person in a sexual relationship with a large age and/or
experience gap is obligated to leave their younger and/or less experienced
partner in better shape than when they found them. That means no sexually
transmitted infections, no fertilized eggs, no unnecessary drama, and no unnecessary
trauma.

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