Defying all logic and reason, the world record for largest Smurf gathering has just been broken
Humanity refuses to let anything get in the way of our stupidest possible goals. Take, for instance, the fact that thousands of people just got together in the midst of the coronavirus outbreak—an outbreak that’s led to this year’s SXSW being canceled and the suspension of the next Mission: Impossible movie’s production—in order to dress up as Smurfs en masse last Saturday.
In an incredible display of both the indomitable human spirit and our species’ blinkered drive toward self-annihilation, this gathering attracted some 3,500 people to say “Smurf it” to common sense, slap on their floppy white hats, and head to Landerneau, France to pack together into a densely-packed, record-breaking crowd. A video report from the AFP News Agency shows the event, which is horrifying by the immediate standards of witnessing so much sloppy Smurf cosplay in one place and also through the larger context of knowing how far a single virus-loaded Smurf cough or Smurf sneeze could travel throughout the world. Despite just how terrible an idea the whole thing was, the French Smurfs were rewarded for their effort, and have now set the Guiness world record for world’s largest Smurf gathering.
“We figured we wouldn’t worry and that as French people we wouldn’t give up on our attempt to break the record,” one blue-faced interviewee says in the video. “And now we’re champions of the world!”
His companion chips in with, “It was more important. The coronavirus is no big deal, it’s nothing.” The pair announce they’ll “Smurferize the coronavirus,” which is cute until you think about an entire Smurf village whose forest clearing thoroughfare is deserted because an unnecessary assembly has led to a lot of sick Smurfs having to self-quarantine inside their little mushroom-houses.
Just a day after the record-breaking meet-up, the French government announced that it’s banned gatherings of more than 1,000 people. Presumably, this decision was made after having watching in disbelief as crowds in blue and white came together during a global outbreak to really Smurf up the hope that you can count on people to not do this kind of shit during an international health crisis.
Send Great Job, Internet tips to [email protected]