Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher no longer in a Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher relationship

In news that promises to have ramifications for every sitcom and awards show host in need of an easy joke about older women getting together with younger men, Demi Moore has announced that she is divorcing Ashton Kutcher after six years of marriage and five-and-three-quarters years of divorce rumors. As befitting the very personal nature of her decision, Moore made a statement to the Associated Press that reads, in part, “As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life”—alluding to, yet not directly mentioning Kutcher’s inability to measure up to her standards about indiscriminate tweeting. Also, indiscriminate having sex with other people. Moore added, “This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation.” So please, let’s everyone just keep this between us.

Anyway, speaking of Twitter, Kutcher opened up his heart and asked his publicists to write, “I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light, AK.” Indeed, what can we mortals do when not even the Buddha knows the mysteries of the human heart, and why it sometimes breaks when it sees photos of the heart it’s married to in a hot tub with some other, younger heart? Moore’s own “@mrskutcher” Twitter account, meanwhile, has nothing to offer in the way of wisdom, other than the usual cautionary examples.