Determined to attract a higher caliber of celebrity, Dancing With The Stars brings in Queen Latifah and Snooki

After years of suffering your mocking, the producers of Dancing With The Stars vowed that their next vanity shuffle would attract a higher caliber of “star,” one worthy of the esteem conferred by participating in awkward dance routines on reality television as a means of keeping your name in the news. So they hired Queen Latifah and—thus satisfied that they could use the words “Emmy, Grammy, and Academy Award” repeatedly in at least one contestant’s introductions—then they rested, secure that they could fall back on their old formulas by bringing in another Jersey Shore specimen (Snooki), another Saved By The Bell survivor (Tiffani-Amber Thiessen), another Hills person (Kristin Cavallari), and another Kardashian spore (Rob). The full cast will be revealed on August 29, when, judging by its adherence to previous patterns, the show’s current retina-searing wattage will be increased by the addition of Lumbering Athlete, Former Pop Singer, Aging Model, and Controversial Political Figure. (There’s hope for you yet, Marcus Bachmann.) [TMZ, Access Hollywood]