Disney announces plans for you to watch Frozen 2 until you can’t take it anymore

Having yet to figure out a way to directly siphon funds from parents’ bank accounts every time their child sings “Let It Go,” Disney will enact a temporary stopgap measure of making Frozen 2. The sequel to Disney’s license to print money with princesses on it, then sell that princess money to your daughters, was announced by Bob Iger during the company’s shareholder meeting today—presumably while he did that little finger-rubbing thing that lets the shareholders know he’s talking some serious moolah here. What hasn’t been announced yet are a title, release date, or plot, because it seriously doesn’t even matter. They could literally rename Elsa “Moolah” and have her standing in a snowbank, scanning the NASDAQ for 90 minutes. Your kid still wants to see Frozen 2 right now, and then they want to see it again, and then they want the soundtrack. This is why you shouldn’t let your kid read the trades.