Disney finally noticed Steven Tyler was giving the shocker on its Aerosmith ride

Imagine, just for a moment, that you’re Steven Tyler. (If you can’t quite get there on your own, try wrapping a scarf around your neck and restricting oxygen flow until the sweet emotions start to flow.) It’s 1999, and the Armageddon soundtrack has just propelled you back to the top as the lead singer of Aerosmith, the Disney theme park ride of internationally famous rock bands. And so, it’s only fitting that when the Imagineers at The House Of Mouse offered to actually turn you and your bandmates into a ride for their Walt Disney World Resort, you quickly said yes.

And yet, as filming day for the ride’s pre-launch video approaches, some doubts still float in your mind, as bloated and terrifying as Bruce Willis’ corpse, bouncing around in the depths of space while “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” echoes forever in his irradiated ears. “Is this really metal?” you ask yourself, as you get into your Aerosmith costume and shake hands with Illeana Douglas, who’s playing your manager in a cheap piece of fiction designed to keep bored, sticky families entertained as they wait to be loaded into fake roller coaster limousines. “Am I selling out?” It haunts you, like the love you once shared for a certain elevator, so many years ago. And so, when the moment comes, you lash out at the clinical safety of corporate fun, at the commodification of rock. At a critical moment, you bend back your ring finger, and instead of simply shielding your eyes, you throw out the shocker to your fans.