Donald Trump will construct the biggest, classiest movie studio Florida has ever seen

Addressing one of the most glaring paucities of stuff with his name on it, Donald Trump has revealed plans to construct Trump Studio City, a film production center/self-contained metropolis in Florida's Miami-Dade County that the busy beaver-glazed-with-another-beaver is looking to build on Hurricane Andrew-ravaged land, because philanthropy. According to the Palm Beach Post (via The Hollywood Reporter), Trump's presumably gold-plated lawyers presented "fancy" renderings of the studio, a domain that would feature "connected plazas, media centers, palm-lined boulevards, and production stages up to 250,000 square feet," as well as "15-20 acre back lots that really handle any type of movie" and "any type of television series that could ever be dreamed of," so long as they represent the class and sophistication that is synonymous with the Trump name, and would facilitate Donald Trump's production of even more ambitious kinds of distracting bullshit.

As a local CBS affiliate reported, the resultant complex—which would also come with its own hotel, film school, airport, and, ominously, "more"—would eventually be twice the size of Universal Studios and thus one of the largest film studios on Earth, the predominant planet for human existence, at least until Trump completes the construction of Earth-Trump. In offering his support, mayoral candidate Joe Martinez asked of reporters, "What does Hollywood have that we don't have?"—a rhetorical question that was seemingly unintended to be answered by exclamations of "an existing infrastructure, talented people, and not being in Florida," considering he then continued talking. Martinez further argued that Hollywood is "not as close to Central and South America," ostensibly his subtle way of suggesting that it would facilitate better cocaine trafficking. While Trump has not yet personally commented on the project, it is expected that his thoughts about it are obnoxious.