Like the fall leaves, or a drowning swimmer slowly turning blue while lifeguards run in slow motion toward him, Paramount’s attempt at making a Baywatch movie has once again changed its colors. The last we had heard about Baywatch, Reno 911’s Robert Ben Garant was attached to direct the film as a parody of the TV series, with Bill Hader in a lead role. But now The Hollywood Reporter reveals that Dwayne Johnson is “loosely attached” to star in the film, which is now being described as an action movie. Furthermore, Garant is apparently no longer involved, We’re The Millers writers Sean Anders and John Morris are said to be directing, and Trophy Wife writer Justin Malen will be the latest doomed soul to take a stab at the movie’s undying chimera of a script.
And just to be clear, we’re talking about the official Baywatch movie—not the one being put together by cast members of the show where they’re international super spies who were only pretending to be bad actors pretending to be bad lifeguards. Because it’s 2014, so obviously we have to be specific about which Baywatch movie we’re talking about.