Shaved sea lion Ryan Lochte has been set free into the wilds of the ocean, his barks growing ever more melancholy yet blessedly distant, as E! has opened the pen and released him from his reality show What Would Ryan Lochte Do? after just one low-rated season. TV Line reports that the same network that has so far devoted three seasons to watching Ice-T talk about his wife’s ass while his dog’s balls dangle perilously nearby has decided it can no longer stand the sight of Ryan Lochte, refusing to follow the Olympian swimmer as he navigates his televised “reality” with the same thrashing suavity he does the equally transparent water. And so, without another season to solve the mystery, the question of what Ryan Lochte would do is now left to viewers—and the ages—to ponder. What would Ryan Lochte do? What did Ryan Lochte do? Do we do as Ryan Lochte did, or shall we do as Ryan Lochte would do but didn’t? Or did he? Did we? Something to think about.
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