Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash faces a third accusation of underage sex, in continuation of world's worst bedtime story

Continuing the bedtime story that's currently putting America down for its long, walking slumber through a numb and joyless world, a third man has now stepped forward to accuse former Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash of engaging in sexual activity with him when he was a minor—thus adding to a growing number of allegations that someone could probably make a mirthful video about featuring Sesame Street's the Count, if only they could rouse themselves from their existential mire. A 29-year-old going only by "John Doe" now says that Clash—as he allegedly did with his second accuser, Cecil Singleton—picked him up on a gay chat line when he was just 16, inviting him to his apartment on multiple occasions, and plied him with alcohol and "groomed him" for a relationship similar to the one also alleged by (then recanted, then alleged again) by Clash's first accuser, Sheldon Stephens.

This anonymous man also said that, over time, he figured out who Clash was after spying "Elmo dolls, an Emmy award, and photographs of Elmo with movie stars" around Clash's living area—uncomfortable imagery he planned to paint more vividly for you with a book he says he first began writing in 2009. Pages from that still-in-progress book are due to be read aloud at a press conference today announcing the lawsuit. So everyone gather around and put on your listening ears, instead of jabbing pencils in there.