Ernest In The Army, the latest direct-to-video installment in the acclaimed Ernest series, finds misfit hero Jim Varney joining the Army Reserves—he wants to drive the Army's big rigs—and ultimately battling an evil Arab dictator. Will he save the day, or suffer the indignity of a face full of poison gas? The answer, of course, is both, but that's not all: Before he can save the day, the lovable, well-intentioned Varney must drink motor oil; stick his tongue on a hot grill; share heartfelt moments with a plucky Middle Eastern orphan sidekick; blow up a Portapotty containing a fat, bumbling, publicity-hungry general; contort his gruesome face about a thousand times; inadvertently spit several pounds of gooey candy into the face of a stuffy colonel; and so on. That old physical-comedy formula—character creates mess, character flails around trying to fix mess, mess gets worse—is repeated ad nauseam throughout Ernest In The Army, but there aren't really any jokes. Still, Varney sans punchlines is a riot compared to the stretches of Ernest-less exposition involving the aforementioned orphan, mysterious arms dealers, scheming Arabs, and a TV reporter/love interest. Despite its Wag The Dog-style relevance to current events, Ernest In The Army is a washout.