Mattel and Chernin Entertainment are developing Ever After High—a thing that until this afternoon I had no idea existed—into a movie. Although, to be fair, there are many things in this world about whose existence I remain blissfully unaware, because I am not terribly familiar with Tumblr. How does it work? Do you have to be a cat spirit trapped inside a human body to have one? Is it useful for things other than manga-style renditions of male TV characters kissing?
Anyway, after extensive research on the Ever After High website, I have learned that Ever After High is a cartoon series based on a line of dolls based on the concept that a bunch of fairy tale characters had sex and the resultant offspring go to a high school called Ever After High. (I have also learned that I am a Madeline Hatter.) All the big names are there—Cinderella’s kid, Snow White’s kid, Rapunzel’s kid, Goldilocks’ kid, the Three Little Pigs’ kids, The Big Bad Wolf’s kid. Even Pinocchio managed to reproduce. Like their spiritual cousins at Monster High, who are also up for a movie, the students at Ever After High resemble Bratz dolls and are very concerned with “normal” teenage things like dating and fashion as well as terrible, ham-handed puns. (Sample sentence: “I may be a graceful, elegant princess, but I’m also a top student who is fairy hocused pocused on her studies.”)
But Ever After High is, more importantly, entertainment for little girls, and without the hazy filter of nostalgia most things designed to entertain little girls look pretty ridiculous. And to its benefit, Ever After High appears not to have broken the Rule 34 barrier. Yet.